


Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around

by blueharlequin



Series: Have a Heart to Break [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Barebacking, Confessions, Drug Addiction, Love Confessions, M/M, Older Man/Younger Man, Protective Derek, Relationship Advice, Role Reversal, Sequel, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-17
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2017-11-25 19:15:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/642125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueharlequin/pseuds/blueharlequin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to “Rules for Casual Encounters” Rossi is concerned because Reid seems emotionally distant. Reid has some reservations about their relationship and he is not dealing with Morgan’s reaction well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Can Still Change your Mind

**Author's Note:**

> credit for the title and chapter titles go to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and Stevie Nicks

Sitting in the bullpen the next morning, it occurred to Reid that Hotch had actually said to him that he had been _‘flattered to be considered attractive’_ by the young doctor. It also occurred to him that Hotch hadn’t said anything about not wanting that attention. As unconventional as it was, Reid had to talk to him; he had to settle the possibility in his mind before he could put his own feelings in order. He knew he was second guessing himself but the reality of his situation was beginning to hit him. He and Dave were dating. _Dating_. It suddenly seemed more frightening than it had last night and the euphoric feeling he had this morning had dissolved as soon as he had set foot into the building. Everyone had known. Well not everyone, it was still a mystery to him how Garcia of all people had figured it out before Morgan, a veteran profiler.

And on that thought, he heard Morgan greet Anderson as he walked in the door. Reid stood abruptly and rushed up the stairs to Hotch’s office. He missed Dave’s frown as he practically ran by his door. The unit chief looked up at him inquisitively as he ducked into the older man’s office and shut the door. “Reid?”

He took off in a torrent of words. “Hotch, I had a talk with Dave and I think I’m feeling better about this. However, it’s just that I remembered what you said and I wanted to know if it was okay. That Dave and I are dating,” he stumbled over the word as a blush of embarrassment crept over his face. “I don’t want to make a mistake about how I feel if I didn’t understand you correctly yesterday.”

The SAC looked at him blankly for a moment before comprehension dawned. “Reid... Spencer, I care for you deeply and like I said before I was flattered to be the object of your attentions. However, can you honestly say that what you feel for me is love? You told me that you might be in love with Dave. If you are feeling conflicted, is it only because you are confusing your feelings for me as something else?”

Spencer thought about it for a moment. What he felt for Hotch was a vast amount of respect and admiration. Hotch had a lot of the qualities Spencer found attractive for himself; confidence, decisiveness and fortitude. The older man was right, he was confusing these emotions for love. Then he realised why he was so confused, even though he had told Dave he might be in love with him he hadn’t outright said it. And he realised with some alarm that Dave hadn’t said it either. They had walked in on him as he was professing “caring” about Spencer but it still wasn’t a love confession and that was what was making him uneasy. His anxiety was coming at him from all sides; he still didn’t know what he was going to say to Morgan on Saturday. He had dealt his friend a double whammy, coming out and being in a relationship with a male co-worker. The fact that everyone but Morgan had known only compounded it.

“You’re right. I’m just really confused at the moment. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about anyone. I honestly didn’t know being in a relationship was this complicated.”

Hotch sighed in exasperation. “Reid, it’s really not. You are over thinking it. Have you talked with him about where this is going? For that matter have you told him about the fact that you might have to _go to the movies_ occasionally?”

The junior agent grimaced. “No, I haven’t. Hotch, I don’t know if I can share that with anyone. For me, it’s bad enough that _you_ know; and you were there. Gideon may have taken me to the clinic the first time, but you were the one who had to deal with it when he left. I’m absolutely terrified of what he would think of me if he knew I spent a number of weekends strung out on my bathroom floor.”

“Spencer, I’m sure you’ve figured out by now that not a whole lot shocks Dave. And if you try and hide it he will only figure it out faster. Talk to him, and if he isn’t understanding about it then you can make a decision. Just remember, whatever happens, I am always here if you need me.”

The young man smiled at that but it quickly disappeared, he needed to get one more thing off his chest. “I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to say to Morgan on Saturday.”

The older man rubbed his forehead in irritation. “Just tell him what you feel. I think he’s just feeling a bit of resentment over the fact that you didn’t share this with him from the beginning. Sometimes Morgan forgets that some things are private even when it comes to those he cares about.” Reid’s shoulders drooped as he realised there was no getting around it, and that in a moment he would have to go back to his desk and somehow avoid the other agent for the rest of the week. Hotch spoke to him just as he reached for the doorknob, “Reid, I know it’s not my place to tell you this but … you might want to consider going to _the movies_ tonight. I know it helps.”

The young doctor considered the suggestion for a moment, “I think I’ll do that.” He smiled encouragingly and walked out the door.

* * *

Sometime after lunch, Reid gave up trying to avoid Morgan’s attempts to engage him in small talk and walked away from his desk. He was curious about what had given away his relationship to Garcia and the other girls, so he went down to her office. He knocked lightly on her door before entering.

She spun around as he came in, “Reid! What brings you to my lair?”

Spencer smiled weakly at the bubbly technical analyst, “Hi Garcia. I just thought I’d come to talk.”

“What’s up junior g-man? Yesterday got you all in a tizzy?”

The young profiler laughed nervously, “Emily told me that you owe me a dinner.”

“Ooohh, tattle tail! I won fair and square.” She swivelled around to her purse and came back brandishing a crispy one hundred dollar bill.

“What was the bet exactly?” he swallowed in apprehension.

Garcia giggled, “It was sort of a double or nothing. I said that you and Rossi were dating and that Morgan didn’t know. JJ said you two were just hanging out and that’s why he was cool with it. She was sure Morgan would have been the first person you told if you were going out with someone.”

Spencer didn’t know whether or not to be relieved they didn’t know the whole story or horrified that they were betting on his love life. It was a small consolation that at least the girls thought it was a matter of dating and hadn’t known what it actually started out as. “No,” he hesitated. “I wouldn’t. I wasn’t sure how he’d handle the orientation aspect.”

“Sweetie! He doesn’t care about that! You should know that he’s open to anything you can throw at him if it makes you happy.” She patted his arm reassuringly.

“Well, he sure made it clear that he doesn’t like that fact that I’m dating Dave. He even told him to stop seeing me. Morgan made it abundantly clear that I didn’t know what I was doing.” Reid admitted to himself that he was feeling a little resentful towards his friend and even though it was a tiny bit petty, he wanted Garcia to be on his side with this.

“Don’t worry, he’ll straighten out. Or at the very least I’ll make sure he straightens out. Nobody evades my wrath for long.” She winked at him and suddenly the younger man felt a bit of apprehension.

“Nothing illegal okay?” He was just joking, but he wasn’t sure if she was when she rolled her eyes at him. “And no more bets either.” He frowned when she looked away guiltily.

“Well …” she trailed off, trying to look as innocent as she could.

“What?”

“I still sort of have this other one going with both Prentiss and JJ.” She grinned and he shook his head in resignation. “Well, it’s about when the two of you got together. We want to see who got the closest now that it’s confirmed you _are_ together.”

Despite his better judgement Spencer decided to indulge her. “Okay. Only if you tell me what gave it away.”

Garcia leaned forward, “JJ says it was about a month ago. Rossi brought you cup of coffee in the morning, which he _never_ does. She says your hands brushed together and at that point she wasn’t sure but after yesterday she was.” He thought back, that had been _‘a morning after,’_ he motioned for her to continue.

“Prentiss is going for six weeks ago when you came back from a training seminar and lunch. She knew the meeting had ended early when Anderson came back from it and was wondering what you and Rossi were doing for two and a half hours.” Reid struggled not to blush too terribly. Dave had convinced him to go for what he called a ‘nooner’ when the seminar had broken up prematurely. Garcia crowed joyfully, “Ah ha, you two were being naughty!”

He cleared his throat, “And what about you? When did you figure it out? Because I was sure it was Hotch who figured it out first and then Morgan.”

“I don’t know about Hotch, but he’s the one who made me suspect it. I’m saying a little over four months ago.”

Reid choked, “Ah, why do you say that?”

“Well I was waiting for Derek to come back from lunch when I saw Hotch looking at you and Rossi. You were both standing in the break room talking. I didn’t really think too much about it until Hotch frowned. I mean, I know that’s nothing special and he does that a lot but never usually at us. Then I realised both of you were standing way too close to be talking about a case. A few moments later you blushed and Rossi smiled, and it was some smile. So after that I kept watching the two of you and it kind of became apparent.”

Reid gaped at her in astonishment. That was four days after the first time they had slept together and the morning after Hotch had shown up unexpectedly at Rossi’s house. Dave had made a lewd comment about the volume of his verbal outpouring the night before then propositioned him for that evening. “I think you need to take Hotch to dinner instead of me,” he sputtered.

Garcia squealed, “I knew it! I knew it! They didn’t believe me but I just knew!” She grabbed the phone but stopped as he got up and moved to the door. “Reid, I promise that is the last bet on that subject. Do you want to go out for dinner on Friday?”

He smiled at her as he opened the door. “I have a date with Dave that night, maybe next week?”

She nodded and turned back to the phone. As he walked away he heard, “JJ? Is Prentiss there with you?”

Just before he entered the bullpen he realised with a groan that she hadn’t exactly promised not to bet on anything else...

* * *

As they were leaving that evening, Rossi strode out of his office towards him. Reid noted that Morgan made a face and walked away before he got there. “Are you coming over tonight?”

“Not tonight. I have a paper due so I’m going to stay up and finish it. Maybe hit the coffee shop while I’m at it.” It wasn’t really a lie, he did have to finish his paper, but it wasn’t due for a few days.

Dave squeezed his shoulder, “Okay then, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

* * *

Reid took the subway downtown and when he arrived at the community centre he was pleased to note that the meeting had a designated speaker. He really didn’t feel like sharing at the moment, even if it might help him relieve some of his stress or make his situation a little clearer. He chose a seat near the back and tried to relax. Moments later, he let out a sigh of relief as his sponsor sat down next to him. Reid had called him earlier as he left Garcia’s office. He had been a little bit freaked out by her revelation that she had known the entire time and apparently so had Hotch.

They sat through the program not talking to each other until the speaker finished and the meeting broke up. The older man turned to him, “So what’s up?” Spencer opened his mouth then closed it again. He wasn’t sure exactly how he needed to approach this. His sponsor knew he was gay, but this was a whole new level of confession that required more explanation than he was sure was safe to divulge. Perhaps sensing his hesitation the man got up and motioned to the door, “Come on, let’s go get a drink.”

To his surprise, they ended up in a coffee shop down the street. The other man walked up to the counter and Reid found a seat and waited. A few minutes later a cup was plunked down in front of him and he stared at it. Maybe somewhere in the black depths of the caffeinated libation were the answers he needed. Taking a deep coffee laden breath he blurted out, “I’m dating someone.”

Interestingly enough, the older man just nodded. “And you’re stuck on how to tell him about this.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, toying with it as he thought. “I’ll be five years here soon won’t it?” The young man nodded. The other man took a sip of his coffee. “So why are you afraid to tell him?”

“We work together and if it doesn’t work out …” He trailed off as his sponsor pinned him with a concerned look.

“It’s not …”

Reid cut in, “No, it’s not him. Plus he already knows so it would be unnecessary.”

“Yes, I remember now, chicken soup and tough love.” The older man looked at him speculatively for a moment then downed the rest of his drink. “Come on, I need to go somewhere I can have one of these.” He grabbed his cigarettes off the table and moved to the door. The man lit up as soon as they hit the sidewalk. “How do you feel about coming over? We can talk some more there. The wife would love to feed you again. She’ll probably make a fuss since you’re still so skinny. The guest room is made up if you want to stay.”

Reid thought about it for a moment before agreeing. He didn’t want to be alone, but at the same time he didn’t feel like being with any of the team. He nodded and they took off down the street towards the other man’s car.

* * *

Dave sat at his desk drinking a glass of scotch and revising his latest book. He glanced at this cell phone beside him and picked it up for the fourth time. He reasoned that there was no harm in calling the young man and asking if he would like to come over after he finished his paper. It was already late and he would be up for a little while longer doing this. He frowned as the call went to voicemail. Just in case he was in the library, Dave sent him a text. A few minutes went by and still no answer had him wondering if there was a problem.

Everything had seemed fine that morning but Reid had immediately clammed up when they arrived at the office. Rossi had a feeling it had a great deal to do with Morgan but there was something else that was bothering him. The panicked rush to Hotch’s office had him curious and he had felt a moment of jealously when he realised that Spencer still needed to go to Aaron as a confidant. Afterwards, the young agent had been a little distant and they hadn’t spoken to each other the entire day until they were leaving. Not that it wasn’t an unheard of occurrence; but it still kind of stung.

An hour later he looked at his phone and still no reply. Closing his laptop he decided that he wasn’t going to get any more done for the night. A general feeling of unease had settled over him and he determined that the only thing he could do was go to bed.

* * *

As Rossi opened the door the next morning he heard Prentiss exclaim, “Eww, Reid. What is that? Cigarette smoke? Hurry up and change.” He saw the younger man disappear around the corner to the bathrooms as he walked to the bullpen. He was about to wait for Reid to come back to his desk when he heard Aaron call his name. Dave thought that it was odd, Spencer didn’t smoke so who had he been around that did? He didn’t have time to ponder it any more as the unit chief handed him a case file and they made their way towards the conference room.

It wasn’t until after lunch that he was able to get away from the phone consult. He went to his office first to check his messages before making his way down to the break room. As he neared the door, he stopped when he heard the SAC speak, “So how did it go last night? Did you talk to him?”

Spencer’s voice was low but he could just make it out. “Yeah, I went home with him and we talked, then I spent the night.”

Dave tried to squash the feeling of jealously that raced through him. Surely there was some explanation that would make perfect sense once he had a moment to talk to the kid. Hotch hummed under his breath, “That bad? Are you going to talk to Dave about it?”

Rossi couldn’t take it anymore, he stepped into the room, “Talk to me about what?” He noted the expression of extreme panic on the young man’s face before he looked over at the other man. Hotch had the decency to look a little bit guilty before he nodded at Reid and made his way out the door. Dave’s gaze came back to the younger agent and he waited as Reid composed himself.

“I need to talk to you about something.” Dave blanched at the words as they came out of the younger man’s mouth. It was like one of his marriages. No good thing came from hearing that phase.

“Does it have to do with the mysterious chain smoking person that you spent the night with and the fact that you didn’t return my call?” Dave tried to tone down the accusatory note in his voice but Reid heard it anyway and frowned. “Is it bad?”

“Yes it does, yes it’s bad, sort of, I’m not sure.” Dave cocked his eyebrow conveying to the young man, _“So which one is it?”_ Reid floundered for a moment before uncharacteristically cursing out loud. “Dammit, it’s important and personal. I don’t want to talk about it here. Can you come to my apartment around seven tonight? Please?”

Well that was highly unusual. Dave had never been invited into Reid’s apartment. He had dropped the young man off there numerous times but had never been inside. Observing the kid’s stubborn yet pleading look he ran his hand through his hair and replied, “I’ll be there.” Reid nodded and walked out the door. As Dave came out of the room he saw Aaron leaning against the railing outside his office. When he spotted the older man, Hotch looked him over for a moment before going back into his office. Dave wondered, _“What the hell is going on?”_

  



	2. I Need to Know

That evening Rossi stood in front of the younger man’s apartment berating his uncharacteristic lack of courage.  He’d been standing there for a good five minutes before he finally reached up and knocked. Spencer opened the door immediately, as if he had been waiting on the other side for Dave to arrive. Wordlessly, he motioned towards the small kitchen and pulled out chair. The older man sat down at the small table, noting an open bottle of vodka and empty glass on the counter. The unusual choice of alcohol put him on edge.

“Dave, if we’re going to make this work I need to tell you something.” The older man nodded, trepidation filling his body. Spencer took something out of his pocket and set it on the table. His fingers covered it as he pushed it towards the older man.

Rossi’s breath caught in his throat as the young doctor withdrew his hand. It was an NA token. He looked at his lover in astonishment. “Who else knows about this?”

Spencer twitched. “Gideon and Hotch. I’m pretty sure the others know and haven’t said anything or at the very least they have their own suppositions. I’ve been clean for quite some time now. I’ll hit five years here soon. Gideon was the one who took me to a detox clinic before he disappeared. Then after he left, Hotch helped me out even when he was dealing with his own problems.”

Dave looked up at the apparent bitterness in his tone when he mentioned Gideon. “Can I ask what happened?”

Reid sat back in the chair, wrapping his arms around his waist. Dave cocked his eyebrow, observing how Spencer had curled in on himself, instinctively protecting the softest part of his body as if expecting harm to befall him. “Did Hotch ever tell you what happened when I was kidnapped by Tobias Hankel?”

“He mentioned it only briefly. I read about it in your file when I took over the senior agent’s position.” Rossi had a feeling there was more to the case than he had read, but hadn’t ever asked. Anytime it came up it seemed to be an awkward moment for the team; sort of like how no one ever mentioned Morgan and the Chicago case or how everyone but Prentiss would tense up when a former agent named Elle was mentioned. He had read enough of Aaron’s case files to realise that this one involving Reid had been carefully worded and painfully to the point.

“Hotch left out that Tobias drugged me with Dilaudid several times during my kidnapping and that as a result I became addicted. I was using off and on all the way up until the point Gideon left.”

“You said he took you to a clinic. There were several months in between your kidnapping and him leaving.” Dave stared at the token, it was scratched and nicked all over but still gleamed in the florescent light of the kitchen. It was for one year and even though Reid said he’d been clean for longer than that it looked like this one was important.

Spencer blushed, “Yeah, it didn’t work. I kept having flashbacks and couldn’t deal with it. Even now I have nightmares about it but they’ve become manageable. Shortly after that Gideon started falling apart. He really lost it after the second case we had with Frank Breitkopf; I think the incident in Arizona was the last straw.” The young agent knew Dave wasn’t going to like what he said next, but he had to get it out there for him to understand. “It was Hotch.”

“What was Hotch?”

“The person who helped me get clean. After Gideon went missing I found a letter in his cabin addressed to me trying to explain why he left. I was pretty despondent and I felt like he had abandoned us ... me.” Spencer took a deep breath before he continued. “I almost ODed, but Hotch showed up at my apartment and helped me before I was too far gone. You can imagine what happened next.”

“He took you a clinic and managed to make it stick?”

The younger man laughed disparagingly, “Actually no.” Dave looked at him in confusion. “He cooked soup and then held my head over a toilet all weekend. After that he searched my entire apartment and laid out all my drugs in front of me and asked what I wanted more; escape from one horrible experience or my life at the BAU. He dropped me off at my first NA meeting later that week.”

Rossi muttered, “And he calls me the dramatic one. I think I understand why you hold him in such high regard.”

Spencer nodded, “Dave, I have a great deal of admiration and respect for Hotch but I’m in love with you.” He reached over the token on the table and grasped the older man’s hand. Giving it a squeeze he added playfully, “But you better watch out, I don’t know if I can handle the amount of jealousy I’ve heard Italian men can be capable of.”

Rossi chuckled, “I guess I wasn’t very subtle this afternoon was I?”

Reid laughed quietly, “No, but I’ll be sure to tell my sponsor that he’s still able to inspire jealously at his age.”

“Whoa, wait a moment. He’s an older guy? From my experience that’s your type.” Spencer looked mortified for a moment before he comprehended Dave was teasing him. Rossi drew in a deep breath and switched back to being serious. “I’m happy you could trust me with this. I’m not making light of it but I’m glad that was all it was. For a moment I thought you had decided this was too much trouble and wanted to call it quits.”

The younger agent looked at him in astonishment. He didn’t realise Dave was having doubts about their fledgling relationship. Even though they had been sleeping with each other for over five months the whole ‘us’ thing was rather new and fragile. But then again, he reasoned, he hadn’t given the older man many reassurances that it was going well. Spencer looked at the past couple of days in another light and recognised he’d been a little off putting. He could see how the older man could have thought he wanted to end it. “I want this to work.” He leaned forward and kissed Dave gently. After a moment he pulled back, “So are we good?”

“We’re good.” Smiling, the elder man leaned forward and returned his kiss.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short. It's actually the first half of the original second chapter. However, I have had this written for quite a while and I wanted to post it to move the story forward. Also, so ya'll know I haven't abandoned it.

**Author's Note:**

> _There are references to "Honey" from my Addiction series in this story but they do happen in two separate universes._


End file.
